Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
