drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
