dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
