Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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