He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
