and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Randomize