I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
