the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize