I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
