Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
