you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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