i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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