You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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