Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
