I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
