It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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