I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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