I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
