Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
