I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
