you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
