Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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