i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
