I can text with my tongue
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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