I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize