So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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