Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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