so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
