i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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