I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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