I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
