is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize