i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
