did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
