My sheets look like a crime scene.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
