i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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