im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
