Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
