You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
