i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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