I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
