You work out of a Hotel?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
