I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize