i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
