We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I skipped work to stalk him.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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