dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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