I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
