I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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