I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
