god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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