I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
