the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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