Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
