dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
