ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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