winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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