He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
