Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
