they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
