no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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