I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
