i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
