I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We got so high we made milksteak
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
