I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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