So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
