Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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