So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
