Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize