sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
