maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
