Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
