I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
