Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
