Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
