He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
