I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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