Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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