You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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