Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize