Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
