so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So apparently I’m into choking now
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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