Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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