Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
