she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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