Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
