I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
