I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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