1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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