I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Randomize
