I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
