You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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