No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
