I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
