I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
