if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
